


The Last Five Seasons

by Boossuet



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Cheating, Divorce, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by The Last Five Years, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Sad Ending, i don't know what else to tag this except SAD, if you have never watched The Last Five Years I'm so sorry, its super sad you're going to be heartbroken, referenced injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24587962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boossuet/pseuds/Boossuet
Summary: Nolan and Travis had always been moving in different directions, both blind to the strain it had put upon their fairytale relationship.
Relationships: Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick, Travis Konecny/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 10





	1. Part 1.8: Still Hurting

**Author's Note:**

> Anything that starts with Part 1 is from Nolan's perspective. Anything that starts with Part 2 is Travis' perspective. 
> 
> If it gets confusing at times, I apologize in advance.
> 
> I also made a playlist for this work, if you want to hurt even more. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4iaAHBPARk20E5aRNmL3Wk?si=3wEaDXUWRIaz5CrSCZU6Xg 
> 
> Enjoy, my darlings!

As soon as Nolan walked in the door and saw the envelope, he knew it was over. He had seen this coming for almost a year now, and yet, his heart still plummeted from his chest to the bottom of his stomach. 

That envelope. 

Things hadn’t been okay since his husband had become successful. He’d always promised they would both find success. Nolan hadn’t even come close to success. 

And now Nolan didn’t have his husband either.

He took a shaky breath and walked across the hall to pick up the letter. He could feel the wedding ring tucked inside, resting against the piece of paper that he knew to be included. That paper was the heaviest thing in the envelope. 

_ That goddamn fucking son of a- _

Why did his husband get to decide when it ended? Why did he get to go build on his new dreams, leaving Nolan behind? He’d convinced himself that all the problems were Nolan’s and now where were they?  _ He _ was probably feeling just fine. 

But Nolan was still hurting. 

What about all the things his husband had sworn to be true? He swore he had never cheated, but reading this letter-

_ That fucking bastard and his secrets he hadn’t confided, he can go straight to- _

He’d already moved on. The divorce papers weren’t even signed yet and he’d already run away. Just like he had always done. He’d sprinted towards something better at the first sign of unhappiness. He ran because to him, it was simple. Hell, he probably thought he was  _ right _ to run from Nolan. 

He didn’t even give Nolan a chance to fix them.

Catching a glimpse of his watch, Nolan realized he’d been sitting just staring at the letter for an hour now. He forced himself to stand up, to move his numb limbs and walk away from it. 

It didn’t make anything better. 

Instead, Nolan found himself wandering numbly around their home, bombarded with the reminders of happier days they had scattered everywhere in picture frames. 

He hadn’t even given Nolan a chance to fix their problems. Nolan had tried so many times to get even a day with him to talk things through and patch things up and his husband couldn’t ever manage to give him twenty-four hours of undivided attention. 

Nolan knew he deserved better than that, but that didn’t stop the pain from making it’s home inside his chest. 

He became aware that he had slumped to the floor at some point during his spinning thoughts, clutching the letter so tightly it became an unreadable crumpled mess. How long had he been sitting here? What could he do now? It was over and where could he turn? 

He found himself covered in scars he had done nothing to earn. 

He had no career, no friends outside of his husband, and he knew nobody in this city. Nolan hadn’t even wanted to move here, but his husband’s success had made them go. He hadn’t wanted to make a fuss. In fact, he’d even been happy about it at the time, excited, even. This was supposed to be their fresh start, the one that fixed their relationship, like some people did with kids. Yet, just like having a kid in an already broken relationship, nothing had been fixed and he found himself alone instead. 

There were lessons to be learned from this, but that wouldn’t change the fact that his husband was gone. Their foundation had cracked a long, long time ago and yet, Nolan had stayed in that basement trying to repair those cracks, while the house crumbled down around him, turning a blind eye to his husband running out the door without a second thought to him. 

Nolan leaned his head against the wall and sighed.  _ That bastard is already fine. _

But he was still hurting.


	2. Part 2.1: I Could Be In Love With Someone Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Travis' perspective.

Travis had sworn he wouldn’t fall in love again after Mary Eliza had slept with his cousin. He’d made that same promise to himself after Kathy had slept with his brother.

And again after Matthew had slept with his best friend.

Okay, so maybe he’d made, and broken, and then re-made and re-broken this promise a lot. And maybe a lot of his lovers had slept with people close to him, but maybe that was his fault for getting upset about it. Maybe he should have just grinned and beared it.

But that didn’t matter now. He didn’t need that shit anymore. He was focusing on his career and finally getting somewhere! He could taste the NHL on the tip of his tongue. 

He’d agreed to go to the bar tonight with Kevin as a way to unwind and celebrate his progress. He walked in and scanned the room for Kevin. 

_ Was that fucker late aga- _

Oh shit.

_ Oh shit. _

There went that promise once again. Sitting in the booth in the corner was one of the most gorgeous men he’d ever seen. He had, uh, eyes and uh, a nose. Freckles? His skin was, well it was skin, but his cheeks were bright red. Was he flustered? Had he looked at TK and gotten flustered? 

So maybe TK wasn’t the best at describing people. And maybe he was a hopeless romantic who came up with highly unrealistic scenarios  _ way _ too fast… However, that didn’t stop the feeling that fate had dragged him into this bar just to ruin his life with another pretty face. 

And of course the stranger was sitting next to Kevin. Because why wouldn’t he be. Why would the universe decide to save TK from inevitable heartbreak.

Travis had no choice but to go over there. He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and walked over, his promise to never fall in love again forgotten. This man could be his true salvation. He would get him past this final block that was keeping him from the professional leagues. 

_ He doesn't work for the NHL. How the hell is he going to help you get into them?  _ The logical part of TK’s brain tried to tell him.

Travis gazed in the eyes of this beautiful stranger and all logic went out the window. Travis could be in love with someone like him. 

He looked up and their eyes locked. 

That was all it took to make TK chicken out. He quickly changed his course for the bar instead of the booth in the corner. Hayes could wait. He needed a drink if he was going to get within ten feet of this gorgeous stranger. 

Oh shit, the gorgeous stranger was now at his shoulder, giving TK a small smile before he ordered himself a drink. 

Oh no, he even smelled nice. 

And, oh shit, suddenly Travis was blurting out “My first crush on a Canadian girl was when I was ten years old and her name was Claire. She looked like you but if you were ten. And a girl. Which you’re clearly not.” The stranger looked confused and vaguely offended. “Not that you look old! But you get my- I’ll just... stop now,” Travis quickly amended. Forget the drink. He had already fucked this up. 

He started to walk away, however, something stopped him after a few paces.

Perhaps it was fate or destiny or some nonsense like that. And then there went his mouth again.

“Okay, wait, cause I had a point! I swear I did. At least, I think I did?” Travis said, turning around and holding his hands up to keep the handsome stranger from leaving. He couldn’t blow this. Not this time. The stranger smiled, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

“Which is…” Travis hesitated and realized he didn’t actually have a point.  _ Invent a point, c’mon ramble! It’s what you do best anyway _ . “All my life, or since I was ten, I’ve had a thing for Canadians. Because god knows why, I think they cursed me... Do I talk too much?” 

_ Great going. Now you sounded desperate and he’s turning away. He got his drink and he’s slipping through your fingers now. Fuck it, you’ve already made a fool of yourself, just keep talking! _

“I just left a relationship with a lovely girl named Mary Eliza. She was really great, it was all my fault I just got upset because she slept with my cousin.”

_ Well shit, now how is he supposed to know you’re a disastrous bisexual attempting to flirt with him? You just keep mentioning women! Get your shit together man, you’re usually smoother than this.  _

“I don’t think that’s your fault,” he said softly, voice flooding over Travis and filling him from head to toe like warm honey. Oh god, he’d never felt so whole, so fast. 

And his mouth had started again of its own will. What was he even saying? He didn’t care. All he could see were those beautiful eyes looking at him. He was lost in them. They were the color of cornflowers and honey. Travis’ promise to himself was long forgotten now. He didn’t know what he was doing but he’d gladly invite this man to come in and ruin him. 

“I’m breaking my mother’s heart the longer I stand looking at you,” TK heard himself say, sounding miles away to his own ears.

“It sounds like Mary Eliza did that first,” came the reply, the voice coming out of those beautiful lips sounding as clear as day in the haze that was TK’s brain right now. The stranger’s eyes were like twin lighthouses, a bright spot in all the fog. Goddammit, why was TK so hypnotized by those eyes? They were just eyes!

“Yeah but at least she was a- well...,” Travis cut himself off. No, not yet. Seeing repulsion or rejection in this man’s eyes would break him. 

Luckily he was saved from total embarrassment by Kevin calling them both back over to that booth in the corner. They smiled sheepishly at each other and returned to join their friends, drinks in hand. 

“Oh, I see you’ve met my friend-” Kevin started, but Travis didn’t hear anything he was saying. He was too busy sneaking glances at this man without getting caught. This gorgeous man who had come out of nowhere and somehow made Travis feel that Mary Eliza, Kathy, Matthew, and the countless others had just been the previews he was forced to watch before the feature presentation. He was, for sure, the one to break the circle of cheating TK had been trapped in before. 

TK could feel the change in his bones. 

Somehow, despite making a total fool of himself, TK managed to not only get the handsome man’s phone number, but also an invite back to his apartment. They had started kissing as soon as they made it through the front gate, and fumbling with each other’s pants before they had even made it up the stairs. Travis couldn’t keep his hands off him as he hunted for his key. 

He’d been waiting for someone, hell, he’d been praying for someone….

_ Fuck _ . Travis was in love with someone like him. 


	3. Part 1.7: See I’m Smiling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Nolan's perspective.

Nolan was in disbelief.

He couldn’t believe that his husband really came and they were sitting on this pier together. He was happy he was here, right? Forget about his silence and lukewarm greeting when he’d gotten off the plane. He was Nolan’s for a weekend and for once, nothing could take that away from Nolan. 

“I stole this sweater from the lost and found. It makes me look like a grandfather,” Nolan joked. He got a laugh as a reply, which caused him to release tension in his shoulders he wasn’t even aware he’d been holding. “I think we’re gonna be okay…” Nolan said softly, mostly to himself.

He glanced up just to catch the look on his husband’s face. It made him stop in his tracks and withdraw his words. “I mean we’ll have to try a little harder. And bend things to and fro, to make this love as special as it was five years ago,” Nolan amended, keeping his eyes focused on the little waves lapping against the pier instead of his husband’s face. “I mean, you made it to Canada! Who knows where else we can go?” He glanced up, forcing a smile. Everything was fine. He was still Nolan’s.

And Nolan was all his. 

After a few moments of tense silence, Nolan spoke again. “I think you’re really gonna like this team. I’m pretty sure that we don’t suck.” And there it was. His glorious laugh. Nolan smiled. They were together, by a river, in Canada and they were doing just fine, thank you very much. 

They would both figure out what could be better and Nolan would own it when he was wrong this time. He’d avoid another blowout like the one they’d had before they both left for their respective seasons. Things were going to be fine after this weekend. They’d end up just as strong as before, if not stronger. There were no distractions and Nolan had his husband to himself for the entirety of his birthday weekend. 

Speaking of that, Nolan should probably inform his husband of their plans for this weekend. “I have dinner planned on Saturday at-” 

“I have a signing on Sunday,” he interrupted suddenly.

Nolan felt his heart drop. “I didn’t know you had to go so soon. I thought we had a little time,” he said, eyes going back to the small waves rippling the surface of the river. “Look, whatever. If you have to, then you have to. So whatever. We’ll have tonight.”

_ Did that come out as passive aggressive? _ Perhaps but Nolan was trying so hard to choke down the anger filling his entire chest that he couldn’t help himself. 

“The only plane I could get leaves tonight.”

Sudden anger exploded in Nolan’s chest, blurring his vision and loosening his tongue. “You know what makes me crazy?”

His husband opened his mouth, probably to answer or defend his early departure, but Nolan wouldn’t give him that. 

“I’m sorry, can I say this?” Nolan barked, unable to control himself anymore. “You know what makes me nuts? The fact that we could be together,  _ here,  _ together, spending some time, and you are gonna choose someone else to be with!”

At some point during this outburst, Nolan had gotten to his feet. He couldn’t remember when and he didn’t care. All he could see was his husband opening his mouth, about to twist this back onto Nolan, before he saw red again and the words erupted like a volcano, rolling down the hill of his tongue and destroying the fragile little village he had called his marriage. “No, you are… Yes, that’s exactly what you’re doing! You could be there with them or be here with me. As usual, guess which one you pick!” 

“I need to-” His husband had stood up, too, and was trying to rest a hand on Nolan’s shoulder to calm him down, but Nolan pushed him away.

“Goddammit, you do not have to go to another party with the same twenty jerks you already know. You could stay with your husband on his fucking birthday and you could, god forbid, even come to my game!” Nolan jabbed his finger into his chest, walking him backwards towards the edge of the pier, fighting every urge to push him into the water just to knock the ‘I know I’m right why are you acting like a lunatic?’ look off his husband’s face. Every time Nolan blinked he saw smugness in those eyes he loved, mocking him for believing he was Nolan’s, that he was loyal, that this marriage could be fixed. 

“And I know in your soul it must drive you crazy that you won’t get to play with your little girlfriends.” Nolan dug his fingernails into his palms until he drew blood, trying to keep his hands from shaking. 

“You’re crazy! I don’t have-”

“No, I’m not! No, I’m not, and the point is that you can’t spend a single day that’s not about you, and you, and nothing but you! Aren’t you so fucking wonderful, just twenty-six and the savior of hockey!” His hands found their way up to his head, where they firmly knotted themselves in his hair as he tried to keep the tears pricking his eyes from spilling over his cheeks. He couldn’t be weak, not right now, not while he was finally speaking his mind. 

“Miles and piles of you, pushing through windows and bursting through walls en route to the sky. And I-” Nolan broke off, turning away abruptly as the sorrow tore itself out of him, giving him barely enough time to jam his fist in his mouth to stifle the sob that wrenched its way up his diaphragm and through his chest. 

His shoulders shook and the tears he’d been holding back made their way down his cheeks, as cool as the husband that was standing behind him, unmoving. The sob he’d been holding back finally escaped from his mouth as Nolan’s fear that his partner didn’t even care enough about him to comfort him anymore was confirmed. 

This weekend was supposed to fix everything, not cut every little string Nolan was still desperately hanging onto to keep himself from falling. The illusion was gone. Every suspicion had been confirmed. Nolan should have shoved him into the water when he had the chance.

“I swear to god I’ll never understand,” Nolan finally said, voice shaking as he willed the tears to stop, finally turning to face him, “how you can stand there, straight and tall, and see I’m crying. And not do anything at all.”

His husband reached out, trying to fake affection once his mistake had been pointed out, just like he’d been doing for months. Perhaps longer, but Nolan had been willfully ignorant of it. 

Nolan pulled away and forced himself to walk down the dock, willing himself to keep his shoulders straight and breath steady. He had a game to get ready for. 


	4. Part 2.2: Moving Too Fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Travis' perspective.

Travis slid down his hallway like he was the star of an 80s comedy. Everything was going perfectly and yet, according to everybody around him, way too fast. He’d just signed his first NHL contract and was now on his way to convince his boyfriend to forget the apartment they had been looking at and move with him to Philadelphia. It took everything in his power to keep from skipping down the street as he walked to his boyfriend’s current apartment.

He had dreamed of riding like the high and mighty and had somehow found himself the subject of bidding war. He’d met his personal Eros and now he was doing things he’d never dreamed of before. He’d expected this all at least five years later. Instead he was getting all of this, and more, before twenty-four. 

TK’s phone started going off in his pocket, interrupting his joyous self-reflection.  _ Oh jesus _ . It was his mother. She must have finally read his text about moving in with the love of his life. Or seen he’d signed an NHL contract. Or both. 

Goddamn, it’d been a busy day. 

Before he could even say ‘hello’, his mother was berating him for taking things too fast. He was too young to commit to a team for that long. He hadn’t been with his boyfriend long enough to move in with him in a strange city neither of them had ever been to. Was he sure the city he’d chosen had low crime rates? Would his teammates take care of him?

Maybe this made him a bad son, but TK hung up on her and continued on his way downtown, resisting the urge to spin around the nearest light pole. He was gliding as smooth as a figure skater and didn’t have time for his mother’s worried nature. He shook his head, wondering how some people could stall when they couldn’t see the trail or freeze out of fear that they’d fail. He was different from them. He just kept rolling along, letting life take him like the waves of the ocean. So what if he had a singular sensation that things were moving too fast? That was fine by him.

He stopped to buy a bouquet of roses from a young woman selling them on the street corner, his train of thought still rolling. He’d found a man that he loved and an agent who loved him. Who cared if things got bumpy? That was all part of the grand adventure that was called life.

TK grinned as he ran up the stairs of the apartment building, twirling around the corner and winking at the old woman who lived beside the laundry room. Hey, today he got a smile from her instead of her usual annoyed look. His happiness must be contagious. 

Travis knocked on the door of his Eros, unable to wipe the grin off his face. When he opened the door, Travis tossed the roses past him and into the apartment, not even allowing his boyfriend a ‘hello’ before falling into him and kissing him fiercely, kicking the door shut behind them. 

Life may be moving too fast, but this felt just right. 


	5. Part 1.6: A Part of That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nolan's perspective.

Nolan didn’t usually do interviews about his famous husband. Chalk it up to either how secret they kept their relationship or just a deep distrust of journalists, but they weren’t his cup of tea. However, he was making an exception for a family friend. She was writing a book on love in unusual circumstances and what was more unusual than being married to a closeted NHL player? Nolan obliged gracefully, mostly to get his mother off his back. The other part was because he felt he owed this woman. She did babysit him a lot when he was a child and had always let him sneak some extra ice cream after dinner. 

So here he was, sitting across from a woman he hadn’t seen in years and talking about his marriage, something he didn’t think he had ever done before. “Now this book is completely anonymous, so you two don’t have to worry about the press finding out or anything. With that being said, please try to avoid dropping any names. It really makes my job so much easier,” she chuckled and began to set up her equipment. 

“What’s it like living with a man who is considered a genius in his field? Does he have weird habits?” she asked once she had everything in order. 

“One day it’s just like ‘Leave It To Beaver’, it’s just a typical life, but then he’s off on a trip into his own world. He’ll stare out the window, catatonic, and I wonder if he’s even breathing. But then he’ll smile,” Nolan smiled fondly, thinking of the way his husband’s eyes would light up when he’d broken through whatever mental barrier had been holding him back. “And I’m a part of that.”

She chuckled softly, writing something down in her notebook and checking that her tape recorder was still recording properly. Once she was settled again, Nolan continued.

“Next day it’s just like it never happened. We’re making dinner, we’re making plans, and then just as randomly he’s off on the train to la-la land again. Don’t tell anybody, but handful after handful of Doritos usually accompany this trip. But he circles the apartment, logging miles, so I suppose it counteracts the Doritos. Then he’ll smile, his eyes light up, and really, how can I complain? Yes, he’s insane, but god, look what he can do.”

She smiled fondly before moving onto her next question. “I remember you used to play hockey. Do you ever help him with dr-” But Nolan didn’t register the rest of her question, his stomach plummeting,

_ Used to play hockey. _

Yes, a shattered knee had sidelined him but he still played hockey. Sure, he was practically as low as one could go, still playing in the backwoods of Canada for a team that had never won a game, but he was a hockey player, dammit! 

_ Oh god, maybe she’s right. You aren’t a hockey player anymore. You just follow at the heels of one.  _

“Patty?” He was snapped out of his thoughts by his interviewer’s worried tone. Nolan shook himself out of it, ignoring those thoughts, and forcing a smile once more.

“And it’s true, I tend to follow in his stride,” Nolan started talking, not even remembering ( _ stop lying to yourself you’re ignoring the original question) _ what the original question had been. He needed to talk so he could stop thinking. He wasn’t a loser with a failed career and a husband who was-

“Instead of side by side, I take his cue. That’s true, but there’s no question, there’s no doubt. I said I’d stick it out, no matter what came our way and when I do? Then he smiles. And where else can I go? When he smiles, the rules do not apply and nothing else makes sense. He has that way about him, and I’m a part of that.”

_ I’m a part of that,  _ Nolan reassured himself as he quickly wrapped up the interview and said goodbye to his mother’s friend. He caught his own eye in the mirror hanging in their front hall and sighed, dropping his gaze.

“Aren’t I?” he whispered, already knowing the answer to that question. 


	6. Part 2.3: Christmas Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Travis' perspective.

It was Christmas once again and Travis was finally reunited with his boyfriend. Sure they only had a weekend together, but TK would be damned if they weren’t going to have an even better Christmas than their first one together. 

He stopped his impatient boyfriend as he shook one of the many boxes under their tiny Christmas tree. “Ah, not yet! First, a story. A little Christmas story,”

“You’ve learned to read?”

“Actually I wrote this story, just for you, you little shit.”

“So you  _ still _ can’t read?”

“Can I tell my fucking story? I’ve been writing it since  _ October _ .”

“Sorry, dearest. Continue.”

“I call it, drumroll please.” Since TK only got a look of fake annoyance in response, he did his own drumroll, “The Story of Barda, Tailor of Lyyevska.” 

“I don’t think that’s a real place. Or a real name.”

“That is  _ literally _ the entire point of a fictional story.”

“You didn’t say it was fic-”

“ _ Anyways _ ! Storytime! Barda would work until half past ten in his tailor shop in Lyyevska. Then he’d get up at dawn and start again with his hems and pins and lace. Forty-two years had come and gone at his tailor shop in Lyyevska, and watching the winters soldier on, there was one thing Barda missed…”

Travis cleared his throat and launched into his best old man impression, bending over and miming a cane. “‘Ah, if I only had time!’, old Barda said, ‘I would build the dress that’s in my head, a dress that will fire the mad desire of any girl from here to Minsk. But, ah! I have no more hours left to sew!’” TK dramatically threw himself against the couch, pose screaming ‘woe is me!’ with his hand draped across his forehead in a half-swoon. 

Just as quickly as he had gone down, he was up again, continuing his story, “Then the clock upon the wall began to glow... And the clock said, “Oh Barda! You get to be happy! I give you unlimited time. So Barda, go sew and be happy!’ But Barda said, ‘No, no, it’s not my lot. I’ve got to make do with the time I’ve got.’ Barda was done at half past ten and he said, ‘Good night, oh Lyyevska!’ and put on his coat to go, but then the clock cried, ‘wait! Not yet! Even though you aren’t wise or rich, you are the finest man in Lyyevska. Listen up, Barda,’” 

On this line, TK playfully smacked his boyfriend upside the head, cueing him into the fact that he was Barda in this story. “Hey!”

“ ‘make one stitch and we’ll see what you can get.’ But Barda said, ‘ah, clock, it’s much too late. I’m at peace with life and I accept my fate…’ but the clock protested once more. ‘Barda, make one stitch and you’ll unlock the dreams you lost.’ So Barda, with reluctance, took his thread, he pulled a bolt of velvet and he said, ‘I should take out my teeth and go to bed!’ “ Travis wagged his finger exactly like his grandfather did, causing both of them to interrupt the story with their laughter.

When they had calmed down, TK continued his story with even more drama than before. “So Barda put the thread through the needle's eye, and the moon stared down from a starless sky, and he pushed the thread through the velvet black and he looked and the clock was turning… back!” He snatched the blanket off the couch and began to wave it mysteriously, his own laughter ruining the mystery of his story. 

“So he grabbed some shears and he cut some lace as the hands moved left on the old clock's face, and his fingers flew and the fabric swirled,” TK twirled the blanket around his boyfriend, letting it go so it fell around his shoulders. 

“It was-” he paused to glance at the clock quickly, “9:15 all around the world! Every cut and stitch was a perfect fit, as if god himself were controlling it.”

Travis dropped to his knees and clutched his boyfriend’s hand dramatically. “Then Barda cried, through a rush of tears, ‘take me back! Take me back all forty-two years!’ And on it went down the silent streets, until the dress was at last complete. He stretched his arms- and he closed his eyes-” TK punctuated this sentence by performing said actions.

“Remember when we first met and you asked if you talked too much? You do.”

Travis shook his head and continued with his story with even more gusto than before. “And the morning sun finally started to rise. But what of the dress, you ask?”

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t.”

“ _ Well _ , the dress he made on that endless night was a dress that would make any soul take flight! Not a stitch or button had gone to waste, and sewn into the seams, were forty-two seasons of dreams. Dreams that you could feel, coming real…” Travis wiggled his fingers to signify this magical ending of his story. 

“This very dress, the papers swore, was a dress a girl in fair Moscow wore on the day she promised forevermore to love a young man named…. Barda.” He gave a wink, appreciating the fond head shake it earned him from his boyfriend. “Who only one day before had knocked at her kitchen door.”

TK grabbed a small box from under the tree and moved to sit beside his boyfriend on the couch. “Many have hoped, and dreamed, and prayed but they can’t get out of Layyevska. If Barda had been a cute Canadian boy, he’d have looked a lot like you. Maybe it’s just that you’re afraid to go out on a limb-evska?”

“You can stop the rhyming now.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna stop the rhyming now. But maybe,  _ maybe, _ your heart is completely swayed, but your head can’t follow through. But shouldn’t I want the world to see the brilliant man who inspires me? Don’t you think that now is the time to be the ambitious freak I know you are?” He opened the box, revealing a gorgeous watch. “I give you unlimited time, so stop wasting your time as a temp and go and be happy!” 

TK got a fond eye roll as a response. But that was okay. His boyfriend had never been one for showing his emotions. “Take a breath, take a step, take a chance. Take. Your. Time.” Travis pressed the watch into his partner’s hands, completely serious now.

“But wait, there’s more!” Travis slid off the couch and grabbed the bag he had placed under the tree. “Here’s a new pair of skates, since I know how much you fucking hate your old ones. Now, say goodbye to wiping ashtrays at the bar, say hello to the NHL’s newest star! You, not me. In case that wasn’t clear.”

“I got it. You give a very rousing speech, although your storytelling skills could use a lot of work,” he teased, pulling TK in closer to his side.

They spent the rest of Christmas Eve curled up together on the couch, enjoying finally having time to spend with each other with no other distractions. As he was about to slip into a comfortable sleep, Travis looked up at his boyfriend, forcing his eyes to stay open so he could take in his beauty.

“Have I mentioned today how lucky I am to be in love with you?” He said softly, even though he knew the love of his life was already fast asleep. That was okay. He always had tomorrow to tell him, and the day after that, and every day for the rest of their lives. TK didn’t even have time to register that he was thinking of marriage before he succumbed to a gentle sleep. 


	7. Part 1.5: A Summer in Canada

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nolan's perspective.

Nolan chuckled as he kicked his shoes off and launched himself up into the top bunk, getting comfortable while talking to his husband. It had only been a few days since he’d last seen his husband and he was already desperate to hear his sweet voice again. Sure, that made him seem clingy. However, he was in hell at summer training on the outskirts of some small Canadian town he’d never heard of, so he was allowed to be needy. At least he was finally playing hockey somewhere. 

“How is it there? I’m sure you’re so terribly lonely without me,” his husband teased, knowing that Phily was so much better than where Nolan was, and fully expecting to hear a horror story.

Nolan, however, wasn’t going to take the bait and decided to, sarcastically, describe the wondrous beauty of this rink where they couldn’t play if it was windy or stormy or hot and where the power was prone to going out in the middle of the third. “Y’know I could lease a villa in Seville and it wouldn't be as nice as a summer in Canada, where there’s a 15 year old playing forward and goalie.”

“Are you for real?”

“But don’t worry, our D is strong enough to cover for that,” Nolan said, knowing his husband could hear the eye roll in his voice.

“Really?”

“No. We have two defensemen and they both think they’re forwards. Apparently nobody has had the heart to tell them they’re not.”

“Yikes.”

“I’m also sharing a room with a former stripper and his snake, Wayne, which is wonderful. The mornings I wake up with Wayne on my face are wonderful because I can pretend he’s you.”

“You take that back! I’m a better kisser than a snake.”

“No, I’d rather shove a rusty skate blade directly in my eye because it  _ still  _ wouldn’t be as awful as a summer here without cable, hot water, Vietnamese food, and you.”

“I’m gonna ignore that threat of self-harm and instead focus on the fact that you miss me. But please don’t shove anything in your eyes. They’re too pretty for that.”

Nolan smiled before remembering an incident from his trip up there he’d wanted to tell his husband about. “Oh, you’ll think this is funny. I saw your jersey in a shop in Albany on my way here. I stole a look at your name on the back and then I couldn’t leave. Richard, this dick who was with me, got uncharacteristically quiet and said ‘all things considered, Patty, I guess you don’t have to buy it’-”

“Did you punch him? Please tell me you punched him.”

“No, instead I smiled like Mona Lisa and I laid my Visa down. So I own yet another one of your jerseys.”

“I know you get jealous, but save some for the rest of us. Or wait until you escape that circle of hell and I can give you a new one.”

“Hey, this isn’t nirvana, but it’s on the way. I actually play center during our afternoon games. And after the locker room clears I get on my knees and pray that I can spend next year literally anywhere else but here.”

“Sure you don’t shout it?”

Nolan’s laughter was interrupted by the former stripper roommate barging in. “Dinner,” he announced, and Wayne the snake hissed to get the point across. That snake was scarily intelligent sometimes. 

Nolan sighed. “Come visit me before your season officially starts, you asshole. The torture of waiting for you to visit is killing me more than the food here is.”

“I love you, Mr. Konecny.”

“I still think we should have gone with Mr. Patrick, Mr. Konecny. I love you too. Please come to hell.” Nolan hung up before his husband could point out that Nolan had been the one to suggest going with Konecny instead of Patrick. 

* * *

  
  
  


That night, while taking the long way back from the rink to the shitty cabin he was staying in, Nolan stopped in a clearing and sat down, looking between the bright, brilliant stars and the ring that shone like those stars that was a new addition to his left hand. Unable to control the love that was bubbling over in his heart, Nolan found himself shouting up at the stars. “Look at him! Look at me! Son of a bitch, I guess I’m doing something right!” 

Nolan returned his gaze to his ring, chest tightening when the full realization of how much he missed his husband hit him. “I  _ finally  _ got something right…” he whispered to himself. 

He’d survive this hell just so he could return to his husband’s arms. 


	8. Part 2.4 / 1.4: The Next Ten Minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayo, this one is from both of their perspectives!
> 
> Also if you've never listened to The Next Ten Minutes from The Last Five Years, you may be a little confused by the beginning and end of this chapter.

The weather had finally started to turn warm in Philadelphia and they were together again. This meant that TK’s favorite part of spring, morning walks around the city with hot coffee and a warm hand in his, could return. It was cute to watch Nolan try to remember landmarks around the city to impress Travis with, even if he got all of them wrong. 

“No, that one’s Ben Franklin. That one’s George Washington, there.”

“No, Independence Park. Fairmount is up a few blocks.”

“Have you been inside the museum? We should go. Meet the dinosaurs.”

* * *

  
  
  


Travis was nervous as hell. He’d always been a talkative person, but now that words mattered, he couldn’t seem to find them. He began to pace at the end of the pier, going over what he was going to say in his proposal over and over again in his head.

_ Nolan, will you share your life with me? For the next ten minutes? For the next ten minutes, we can handle that. We could watch the waves. Or just watch the sky. Or just sit and wait as the time ticks by. And if we make it till then, can I ask you again for another ten?  _

Was that cheesy? Was that bad? Would Patty even realize he was proposing? 

Oh fuck it. He’d run it past Kevin last week and he’d cried, so it must be good. Or Kevin had just been emotional that day. Keep going. Gotta get it perfect for Nolan.

_ And if you in turn agree, to the next ten minutes and the next ten minutes until morning comes, then just holding you might compel me to ask you for more. There are so many lives I need to share with you. ( _ get down on one knee now, fucker _ ) I will never be complete until I do.  _

TK sighed and stood up, checking his watch. Pat was ten minutes late. Oh well, it gave him time to go through this once more. 

_ Nolan, will you share your life with me? _

* * *

  
  


Nolan was late. Again. He sprinted through the woods of the park, searching for the lake and going over his apology to Teeks ahead of time. TK had a way of taking his words, and breath, away, so he wanted to be ready in advance with an apology. Maybe if he was prepared he could actually get words out instead of getting lost in TK’s brown eyes.

_ I am not always on time. Please don’t expect that from me. I will be late but if you can just wait, I will make it eventually. It’s not like it’s in my control and I’m not proud of the fact, but anything other than being exactly on time, I can do.  _

Was that too romantic and sappy? Nolan couldn’t explain it, but there was something in the air today. Perhaps it was the way the late spring breeze carried the smell of flowers throughout the entire city or the way Travis had looked at him over coffee this morning. He didn’t know how anybody could survive in this life without someone like TK. His smile made Nolan feel whole and alive every time he saw it. He could protect and preserve, he could say no and goodbye to keep himself safe from the possibility of heartbreak, but why?

He had arrived at the pier and was seeing exactly the person he wanted to see. Nolan couldn’t tell you what possessed him, maybe it was the approaching summer on the breeze or the excitement that hit him when he saw the small box Travis held in his hands, but before his brain could catch up, he was running full speed down the dock at TK, tackling him and sending them both into the chill of the lake. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Travis looked up when he heard footsteps and had just enough time to tighten his grip on the engagement ring box before he was in the lake. He had just pulled his head above the water, sputtering for air, before he was pulled back under again by Nolan. When TK opened his eyes under the water, Nolan was mouthing ‘yes’ at him.  _ Why was he doing that? _

Wait.

Oh shit.

_ Oh shit. _

The ring! How could he have forgotten about the ring!?

TK swam upward, shaking his sopping wet hair out of his face and opening the ring box.  _ Please be okay, please be okay. _ He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was and suddenly Nolan was hanging on his shoulder and taking the ring from where it was safely nestled in the box.

“I want to be your husband. I want to share your life. I want to die knowing I had a long, full life in your arms,” Nolan whispered in TK’s ear, grinning. 

So maybe this wasn’t the proposal TK had been rehearsing but that didn’t matter now. Not when there was that rare, truly joyful smile on Nolan’s face, not when the lake was reflecting in his blue-gray eyes and dancing in his hair, not when Nolan was wearing his ring and kissing him like that, not when Nolan was now the future Mr. Konecny. 

However he wasn’t going to waste a well-rehearsed proposal. “Will you share your life with me for the next ten lifetimes? For a million summers? Till the world explodes?”

“Till there’s no one left who has ever known us apart,” Nolan replied. It almost sounded like he’d been rehearsing a proposal too… But before TK could reflect too much on that, Nolan was pushing Travis’ damp hair out his face and leaning in to kiss him again. 

“There are so many dreams I need to see with you…” Travis whispered, vulnerable under the crushing weight of how in love he was, with Nolan, with this moment, with his life. 

“There are so many years I need to be with you…” Nolan replied, just as softly, running his thumb along TK’s cheek and hoping he wouldn’t notice the tears running down his wet cheeks. 

“I will never be complete.”

“I will never be alive.”

“I will never change the world, until…”

_ I do.  _

* * *

  
  


One hidden bonus to being on an incredibly shitty team was that they never made the playoffs, which meant Nolan was back in his boyfriend’s arms by mid-April. Nolan smiled as they exited the cafe near their apartment, sliding his hand into Travis’ as they walked. He’d spent his off time in Canada studying famous landmarks in Philadelphia from a little book he’d bought at a roadside stand near Allentown. It was extremely worn and old, but how much did a city like Philly really change? Nolan pointed at a statue as they walked by, trying to impress Travis.

“Is that one George Washington?”

“That’s Fairmount Park.”

“Isn’t that the museum? Can we go see the dinosaurs?”


	9. Part 2.5: A Miracle Would Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Travis' perspective.

Sure, Kevin had probably invited him over for a good time. Sure, ranting about this very privileged first-world problem TK was having would probably ruin the night, but  _ goddammit it _ was his first time away from his husband since the wedding and he  _ needed _ this off his chest. And maybe the few beers he’d had weren’t helping anything. Was he really going to put Kevin through this?

He finished his beer and slammed his hand down onto the table. “You know what?”

Fuck it. He was gonna put Kevin through this. 

“What?”

“Everyone tells you that the minute you get married every other person in the world suddenly finds you attractive, well that's not true!” TK launched into his rant passionately, “It only affects the kind of people you always wanted to sleep with, but they wouldn’t give you the time of day before. But now, now that you’re married, they’re banging down your door or falling to their knees, at least that’s what it feels like because you. Can. Not. Touch. Them.” 

Unclench fists. Crack open a new beer. Chug. Keep going. 

“In fact, you can’t even look at them! Close your eyes, close your eyes, _except_ you’re sitting there eating your chicken salad and all of a sudden this hot piece of ass walks by and smiles at you and you’re like, ‘ _that’s not fair!’”_ Travis sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m not saying I would cheat or that I’m not happily married, don’t get me wrong. However, in a perfect world, a miracle would happen and every girl would fly away. And it’d be us and a dog and nothing else would matter. But it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. I mean, I’m happy,” he shrugged and continued, “It’s not a problem, it’s just a challenge, it’s a challenge to resist temptation.” 

Kevin stared at him blankly for a moment. “You talk too much,” he finally said. 

“Sorry, but you’re the one who invited me over.”

“For  _ a _ drink. Not several. And now I’m just confused. Do you or do you not wanna fuck your husband?”

“I do, but this marriage shit is weird and complicated.” TK sighed, burying his head in his hands.

“You’re the one that propo-”

“I know I’m the one who proposed,” Travis said, looking up to shoot Kevin an exasperated look. “I don’t expect you to fully get this since you’re single and all...”

“Ouch,” Kevin replied, placing his hand on his chest in offense, “just because it’s true doesn’t mean you have to go there.”

“My point is I  _ do _ want to fuck my husband, but he isn’t exactly here right now, is he? And we don’t have a game near him until November.”

“Well, you’ve got two perfectly good hands to use until then. In the meantime, if you want to send some of those ‘hot pieces of ass’ my way, I wouldn’t be opposed,” Kevin said with a coy wink, before breaking into laughter.

TK groaned and reburied his head in his hands. Maybe he was the fool for coming over here, instead of Kevin being the fool for inviting him over.

* * *

  
  


What really  exacerbated TK’s problem was that, at these parties, he was the center of attention, the grand fromage. And right on cue, an extremely attractive woman appeared as if by magic. 

“Let’s get a cup of coffee,” she said, leaning in and licking her lips. “Are you available for an interview?” she continued, playfully batting her eyes at him.

God, it hurt when it was this obvious. Travis did his best to avoid answering her questions directly, showing her his left hand. Hell, he had never gesticulated with his left hand harder, dear god, notice the ring! Please notice the ring already and stop being so obvious and  _ oh god am I flirting back? Is being nice flirting? St- _

And whoomp! There’s his husband! Because he knows. He  _ always  _ knows. 

Now comes the really, painfully awkward moment where TK tries to show he wasn’t encouraging this…

_ Though of course he sort of was. _

And he doesn’t want to look whipped in front of this woman, which is dumb, he shouldn’t  _ care _ what she thinks since he can’t fuck her anyway! 

In a perfect world, this girl, and every other girl in the world, would look like Mister Ed. And it would be them and their dog and nothing else would matter.  _ It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s _ -

* * *

  
  


“Fine. You know I love him. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s what I wanted! And I’m fine, I swear, it’s not a problem, it's just a challenge, you know?” Travis said to his brother over the phone as he walked back home from the dry cleaners, suit tucked under his arm carelessly. He had bigger things on his mind right now than a wrinkled suit.

“It’s a challenge to resist tempta…” TK trailed off, stopping in his tracks. The cafe he often frequented had a new waitress and she was  _ gorgeous _ . “I’ll call you back,” he said, hanging up quickly.

He suddenly had a need for a coffee and a pastry. 

* * *

  
  


“I’ll be there soon, honey. I just finished getting dressed and I’m heading out the door. I swear I’ll be there soon, don’t you dare give up on me yet. Hey, hey, hey, I can hear you calling that Uber! Don’t do that. I am so proud of you, baby. And I will be there with a cake and balloons-” 

Suddenly a terrifying orange demon from hell was directly in front of him, blocking Travis’ path and staring him down with those crazy eyes, demanding a hug. “If fucking Gritty would leave me alone!” TK hissed under his breath, ducking under Gritty’s waiting arms and sprinting away. 

Once he was at least five hundred feet away, he stopped running and tuned back into his husband’s voice, letting it wash over him like a cool wave on a hot summer day as Travis caught his breath. 

“Don’t lose faith, don’t get down, don’t call that fucking Uber. I’ll be there!” Travis was all but running to the car now. Why did he promise a cake and balloons? He barely had time to get to the airport. Or find his way out of this parking garage. Why was this damned thing so confusing!?

_ In a perfect world, that miracle would happen and today would  _ finally  _ be the day that it was just them, riding it together and the things they did going exactly as they planned.  _

“What? Oh, don’t worry. We’re gonna make it through and nothing else will matter. We’ll be fine, we’re fine. Honey, we’re fine-”

* * *

  
  


“-We’re  _ fine.  _ I’ll be there soon. I swear I will…” Travis trailed off, his eyes exploring the body of the gorgeous cafe waitress as she walked over to him, smiling. Travis hung up without a goodbye. He didn’t mean to cut off his husband so quickly, just like he didn’t mean to let his eyes linger on the waitress, but really who could blame him? Long distance was hard and a man had needs. 

His husband could get an Uber back from the airport this time. It wouldn’t kill him.


	10. Part 1.3: Climbing Uphill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nolan's perspective.

“I’m climbing uphill, mama, climbing uphill,” Nolan sighed into the phone. “I’m up every morning at six and standing in line with two hundred boys who are younger, and thinner, than me. And who have already been to the gym! Yes, yes, I know they obviously don’t have partners holding them in bed until twenty minutes before they need to go. Then I’m waiting five hours in line and watching them just coming and going with their talents that are, probably, just like mine. Then my number is  _ finally  _ called. I walk in and there’s the table of men who have been sitting like I have and watching all day, watching two hundred boys skating as hard as they can. And god, I just feel so inferior that I start to talk to myself. I just keep telling myself that-”

* * *

  
  


“I am a good person. I’m an attractive person. I am a talented person. Grant me grace….” Nolan said under his breath as he laced up his skates. This was his third tryout in as many weeks and it was beginning to get old. Jesus christ, why wouldn’t somebody just give him a break already! 

Now, finally, he was getting onto the ice to show them what he had. It’d only been five  _ fucking  _ hours. Five hours of nerves and psyching himself up and psyching himself out. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and hit the ice. Despite his desperate attempt at keeping his focus on the ice, Nolan’s mind had other plans. While his skates sliced the cut up surface of the ice, his doubts crawled into his brain, consuming him. 

_ I should have told them I was sick last week they’re gonna think this is the way I skate. Why are they talking so loud? Should I talk louder? I’ll talk louder. Maybe I should skate over there? I’m gonna skate over there. Why is the coach staring at his crotch? Why is that man staring at my resume don’t stare at my resume I made up half my resume stop looking at that, look at me! No, not at my skates don’t look at my skates I hate these fucking skates! Why did I pick these skates? Why did I pick this career? Whhhhhhhhy does this defenseman hate me?  _ _ If they don’t want to see more, I can go to IKEA with dad and buy a couch. Not that I want to spend the day with dad but my boyfriend needs his space to train since I’m obviously such a horrible annoying distraction to him what is he gonna be like if we have kids?  _

A shot and a miss. 

_ And once again. Why am I working so hard? These are the people who chose Patrik Stefan. Jesus Christ, I suck- _

Off the post.

_ I suck, I suck- _

Too wide.

_ I suck, I suck, I  _ fucking _ suck! _

Oh, that one actually went in!

“That’s all we need to see.”

_ Huh? Oh.  _ “Thank you, thank you very much,” Nolan said, mustering a smile as he skated off the ice and left to go change. 

“ _ FUCK _ !” he screamed as soon as he was back in his car, slamming his hands against the steering wheel in frustration. Once he’d gotten that out his system, he rested his head against the steering wheel in despair. Why didn’t anybody like him anymore?

* * *

  
  


Another week, another tryout, but this time Nolan was more determined than ever before, his thoughts racing before he even hit the ice.

_ I will not be the boy stuck at home in the ‘burbs with the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs. I will not be the boy alone in the store pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues. I will not be the boy who gets asked how it feels to be trotting along at the genius’s heels. I will not be the boy who requires a man to get by- _

Suddenly he was slamming into the boards. Shit, his fucking knee had given out on him again. He ignored the worry of the dude closest to him and pulled himself back up to his feet, taking a deep breath to deal with the pain shooting up his leg. 

He skated even harder, ignoring the pain and the fact that he should stop. 


	11. Part 2.6: If I Didn’t Believe in You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Travis' perspective.

“Okay, stop. Goddammit, stop! Listen to me!” Travis yelled at the sound of retreating footsteps and the slamming door. He followed the sounds to their, now locked, bedroom door. He sighed and rested his head and forearm on the door. “Look, there are people and they are raising money for charity. And there’s a party that they are throwing, and while you’ve made it very clear that you aren’t going, I will be going. And that’s done. But what’s it really about? Is it really about a party?”

TK paused, waiting for an answer even though he knew it wouldn’t come. His husband would never come right out and say what was actually bothering him. Instead he’d start a huge fight over something minor, like this party, or rail at TK for his success. Tonight was apparently Friday Night Smackdown in the Konecny household. 

“Can we please for a minute stop blaming and say what we mean? Is it just that you’re disappointed to be going back to Canada for the season? Did you think this would all be much easier than it turned out to be? Well then talk to me, honey. Talk to me.”

_ Please say something,  _ Travis thought. He was getting tired of fighting constantly and of his husband pushing him further and further away. After a few moments of nothing but tense silence, Travis let his talkative nature take over, hoping a little validation would convince his husband to get dressed and come spend time with him tonight.

“If I didn’t believe in you, we’d never have gotten this far. If I didn’t think you could do anything you ever wanted to, if I wasn’t certain that you’d come through somehow, the fact of the matter is that I wouldn’t be standing here now. If I didn’t believe in you, we wouldn’t be having this fight. I would walk out the door and say ‘You know what? You’re right’, but I never could let that go, knowing the things about you I know. Things, that when I met you four years ago, I knew. It never took much convincing to make me believe in you.”

Yet again, nothing. 

_ Okay, different approach then.  _ If he wanted to be a pouty little  _ shit _ like that, then TK would give it right back at him. If you can’t stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen, right? __

“Don’t we get to be happy? At some point down the line, don’t we get to relax? Without some new worry to push me further from you? If I’m cheering on your side, why can’t you support mine? Why do I have to feel like I’ve committed some felony by doing what I always swore I would do? I don’t want you to hurt, I don’t want you to sink. But you know what I think? I think you’ll be fine! Just hang on and you’ll see. But don’t make me wait till you do to be happy with you. Will you listen to me!?” Travis banged his fist against the hardwood, then groaned and tipped his head forward until it rested against the door, spreading his fingers across the cold wood in an unconscious effort to be closer to his husband. 

“No one can give you courage. No one can thicken your skin. I will not fail so you can be comfortable. I will not lose because you can’t win.” 

_ Shit.  _ TK hadn’t meant for that to slip out. That was cruel. He took a deep breath before starting his damage control. 

“If I didn’t believe in you, then here is where the travelogue would end. If I didn’t believe in you, I couldn’t have stood before all of our friends and said ‘this is the life I choose. This is the thing I can’t bear to lose. Trip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall’. That’s what I thought we agreed on. Look, if I didn’t believe in you, I wouldn’t have loved you at all.” Travis ended with a sigh, completely worn out.

This was supposed to be a fun, easy weekend spent with his husband.  _ But nothing was easy with him anymore, was it? _ “Now why don’t you put on your suit and we’ll go, okay? Honey?”

He was greeted once more with the cold silence of their bedroom door, standing like a barricade between them. He turned around and ran a hand through his hair, clenching his fists in frustration. TK forced himself to take another deep breath and turned back to the door, begging now.

“Can we just do that, please? Please!”


	12. Part 1.2: I Can Do Better Than That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nolan's perspective.

“Please? Please, can you drive? Broken ankle,” Nolan whined, giving his boyfriend puppy dog eyes in the hopes it would work. They had a five hour drive to go see his parents and he felt too nervous to drive. Would his parents even approve of this new guy he was seeing?

“Your left ankle is broken. Do you drive with your left foot?”

“Wow. You can’t even let your poor, injured boyfriend rest. How rude!”

“I’ll drive, but you get to drive when we go visit my parents,” he replied, rolling his eyes.

Nolan grinned and climbed into the passenger seat, accepting his victory. The sun was shining, it was a warm summer day, and he had a wonderful travelling companion. Perhaps this wouldn’t go as badly as his brain was trying to convince him it would. 

They made it twenty minutes in before nerves got the better of him and he just started rambling. “My best friend had a little… situation at the end of our senior year,” Nolan started. 

His boyfriend looked over at him, puzzled. 

“Eyes on the road!” Nolan scolded, slapping him playfully on the shoulder. “And like a shot, she and Marcus got married that summer. Christie was getting bigger by the minute thinking ‘what am I doing here?’ while every night Marcus was out being a heavy metal drummer. They got a little cute house on a little cute street with a crucifix on the door and Marcus got a job at the record store in the mall. You know, the typical facts of a typical life in a town in the midwest. I thought about what I wanted. It wasn’t like that at all. I made Christie a cute baby sweater, thinking ‘oh, I can do better than that’.”

“Well you aren’t married or a parent yet, so I think you’ve succeeded in that.”

“You know I was talking about the man, not the life.”

“I actually didn’t, you sprung this on me with zero context.”

Nolan sighed. “Going back home just has me thinking. Nostalgia, I guess. I’ll stop.”

“No, continue. I like learning more about you.” He turned to smile at Nolan, and Nolan felt all the nerves and worry wash away. That smile was like jumping into a lake on a hot day and feeling all the sweat and grime wash away, leaving nothing but a pure, cool feeling. “Also, you’re keeping me awake and focused when you talk. So for our safety, you should keep talking.”

“Well, since I like you very much and would like to keep you alive, I guess I’ll reveal all my secrets to you.” Nolan chuckled, trying to decide what story to tell next. “Oh, continuing where we left off, a couple months after that I moved to the city thinking ‘what have I got to lose?’ Got a room, got a cat, and got twenty pounds thinner.”

  
“Obviously twenty pounds was what you had to lose.”

“Shut up. Then I met a girl in this class I was taking who you might say looked like Amy Adams. She wouldn’t leave me alone unless I went with her to dinner. And I guess she was cute and I guess she was sweet and I guess she was good in bed. I gave up my life for the better part of a year. And I’m starting to think that this maybe might work and the  _ second  _ it entered my head, she needed to take some time off. Despite not having a job, she needed to focus on her ‘career’. She blew me off with a heartfelt letter. And I thought, I can do better than that.”

“You really can. A letter? Who does that shit?”

“The Amy Adams lookalike I dated, apparently,” Nolan rolled his eyes, leaning closer to his boyfriend. 

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, his boyfriend spoke again, “So what do I have to do to be better than that?”

Nolan twisted his neck so he could look up at him without moving off his shoulder. “You don’t have to get a haircut. You don’t have to change your shoes. You don’t have to change a thing, just stay with me. I want you and you and nothing but you. Miles and piles of you. Finally I will have something worthwhile to think of each morning. Nothing but you, fresh, undiluted and pure, top of the line. And totally mine!” 

Nolan sat up straight, realizing how terrifyingly clingy that sounded for a relationship that was only a few months old. “I don’t need any lifetime commitments, I don’t need to get hitched tonight,” he covered, trying to keep from scaring this wonderful man away. “I don’t want you to put up all your walls and defenses. I don’t mean to put on any pressure but I know when a thing is right. When we get to my house, take a look at that town and look at how far I’ve come. I will never go back, never look back anymore. Think about our fu-” 

Nolan ended his rant abruptly. He’d been about to ask it, the question that had been lingering in the back of his mind for a few weeks now, a step towards commitment… _ oh fuck it _ . He had a gut feeling this relationship was going to last a lifetime, so why delay the inevitable?  _ Here goes nothing… _

“Take a moment for me. Think about what you wanted. Think about what could be. Think about how I love you. Think about what’s great about me and you. Think of the bullshit we’ve both been through-”

“That’s a lot of thinking for me.”

“Then say you’ll move in with me?”

He turned to look at Nolan and laughed. “For real? I was going to ask you the same thing on the drive back home. I swear, one of these days I’ll be ahead of you with life changing decisions.”

“So is that a yes?”

“Of course.”

Nolan spent the rest of the trip with a huge grin on his face. They could do better than their past. This relationship was going to be the one.


	13. Part 2.7: Nobody Needs to Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Travis' perspective.

“Hey, kid. Good morning. You look like an angel. I don’t remember when we fell asleep. We should get up, kid. Canada is waiting…” TK whispered, not actually waking up the cafe waitress. She looked so beautiful lying there. How could he ruin that?

Goddammit, he’d fucked up. He’d made a promise and he took a vow. Just look at him now!

_ Hold on, facts are facts. Just relax, lay low. All right, the panic is receding. Nobody needs to know.  _

Travis sighed and got out of bed, careful not to wake up the woman sleeping beside him. He put on his boxers and padded silently out to the kitchen, mechanically making coffee as he got swept away in the roaring current of his thoughts again.

_ Put on my armor, I’m off to Canada. Back into battle till I don’t know when. Swearing to him that I never was with her, and praying I’ll hold her again. Hold on, no. Things have gotten out of hand. All right. It’s over. It’s done. No one will understand… _

He went to the fridge to grab creamer for his coffee, the picture of him and his husband on their honeymoon that lived on their fridge stopping him in his tracks. He felt like he was being accused by the photograph and was unable to look into his husband’s eyes. 

They’d built a treehouse and he had kept it from shaking, adding a little more glue everytime that it broke. And that method of holding them together had worked, perfectly balanced, until he had started making conscious and deliberate mistakes. 

All that he had asked for was one little corner, one private room at the back of his heart. If TK told his husband he found one, he’d send out battalions to claim it and blow it apart.

_ I grip and he grips, and faster we’re sliding. Sliding and spinning and what can I do? _

Travis was startled out of this spiraling train of thought by the waitress wrapping her arms around his waist. He hadn’t heard her approaching.

“Come back to bed,” she said, voice still husky from sleep and eyes alluring.

“I promise I won’t let you go,” he found himself saying, ever the hopeless romantic. She smiled at him and headed back towards the bedroom, winking as she disappeared back into the room. 

Travis stared into his coffee, trying to block the fresh wave of panic that was overwhelming him.

_ All right, the panic recedes. _

Deep breath. 

_ All right, everyone bleeds. _

Deeper breath.

_ All right, I get what I need. And nobody needs to know.  _

As he climbed back into bed with her and their bodies intertwined once more, Travis couldn’t stop one dreaded, horrible thought from coming to his mind.

_ Since he had to be in love with someone. Since he  _ needed  _ to be in love with someone. Maybe he could be in love with someone…. _

_ Like her.  _


	14. Part 1.1 / 2.8: Goodbye Until Tomorrow/I Could Never

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, both of their perspectives.
> 
> Get ready to be heartbroken.

Nolan laughed and threw TK’s underwear at him, dodging yet another kiss. 

“Don’t kiss me goodbye again. Leave this night clean and quiet. You want the last word,” Nolan gasped, moving his body out of Travis’ reach, hopping over the couch to successfully get away. 

“You want me to laugh.” He threw a shirt at him as a distraction, heading for the door and trying his best not to giggle. That would only encourage Travis to try harder to get him. 

“But leave it for now. All you can say, all you can feel, was wrapped up inside that one perfect kiss. Leave it at that! I’ll watch you turn the corner and go...” Nolan winked, opening the door and disappearing out into the hall. The old woman who lived next to the laundry room cast him a dirty look. Whoops. Guess they had been too loud for the thin walls of the apartment. He shot her an apologetic smile as he disappeared around the corner to hide on the stairs.

As he waited for TK, hearing him swear from down the hall as he tried to put his clothes on quickly so he could catch Nolan, he couldn’t help but think about this new relationship he’d found. He stood on a precipice, struggling to keep his balance, yet, he was opening himself up one stitch at a time. 

_ Finally yes! Finally now! Finally he could cut through these strings and open my wings! _

Suddenly the man in question was rounding the corner and catching him by the wrist, trying to draw him in for one more goodbye kiss. Nolan laughed and yanked himself out of Travis’ grasp, running down the stairs. “So goodbye, until tomorrow. Goodbye, until the next time you call. And I will be waiting,” he yelled over his shoulder, running out onto the front stairs of his building. 

Perhaps it was because he was feeling romantic, but when he got outside Nolan was stopped in his tracks by the beauty of this spring day and the blossoming cherry tree that sat beside the gate. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, taking in the scent of flowers and the overwhelming whirlwind of emotions this love had brought to him. He had been waiting for TK for years.

Travis finally came outside, breathing hard from his run down the hall  _ and _ down the stairs. Nolan opened his eyes and smiled at him, repeating his goodbye as he playfully shoved TK towards the gate. 

“Goodbye, until tomorrow! Goodbye, until the rest of my life.”

He had been waiting all his life for TK. He would always keep waiting for him. 

Travis was tired of waiting. He knew he should do this in person. It was only right after five years together. However, he had a plane to catch, so he couldn’t wait forever. Nolan was always late.

He sighed and searched for a piece of paper and a pen. A letter would have to suffice. He sat down and began to write his thoughts and reasons down for Nolan to read when he returned. Whenever that may be. 

_ I called Elise to help me pack my bags. I went downtown and closed the bank account. It’s not about another shrink. It’s not about another compromise.  _

_ I’m not the only one who’s hurting here. I don’t know what the hell there is left to do. You never saw how far the cracks had opened. You never knew I had run out of rope, and I could never rescue you. All you ever wanted. But I could never rescue you. No matter how hard I tried. All I could do was love you hard and let you go. No matter how I tried all I could do was love you. _

_ God, I loved you so.  _

_ So we could fight. Or we could wait. Or I could go. _

Travis sighed and rubbed his eyes. He didn’t know what else to say, if anything else needed to be said. He didn’t have time to say everything he needed to say. He signed the letter and slid it into an envelope, sticking his wedding ring inside and sealing it. He carefully wrote Nolan’s name on the outside and propped it up on the table in their entryway. As he turned to leave, the wedding picture they had hanging in their hall caught his eye. His eyes lingered on it for a moment, wondering what had gone so wrong between them... 

TK shook that train of thought away and headed outside. As he locked the door, the smell of cherry blossoms drifting on the spring breeze and the sight of their front gate sparked a memory. He could almost see Nolan as he had looked five years ago, after their first date, looking at him like he was the only light in the world as he had said goodbye….

“Goodbye, until tomorrow! Goodbye, until I crawl to your door.” Nolan’s first goodbye to him echoed in his head, as clear as day. 

“You never noticed how the wind had changed.” Was it crazy to talk to a memory? Yes, but TK needed to justify himself and his actions, even if only to his mind’s version of Nolan.

Of course, since it was a memory, all he got back was that beautiful first goodbye he had received from his husband years ago, before everything about them went to total shit.

“Goodbye, until tomorrow!”

“I never said we both could win...”

“Goodbye, until I’m done thanking god! For I have been waiting, I will keep waiting for you.”

“Goodbye, Nolan,” Travis said decisively, forcing himself to move down the stairs and head towards the gate. He’d already made up his mind about this. One lovely, bittersweet memory from years ago wasn’t going to change it that easily. However, he couldn’t help but stop before closing the gate, looking back at their front stairs. 

In his mind’s eye, they morphed into the front stairs of Nolan’s apartment building back in Ottawa, exactly the way they had looked on that gorgeous spring day. 

And, as clear as day, he could hear the very last part of Nolan’s goodbye from that day that changed their lives forever, entwining their fates just to hurt them in the end. “Just close the gate. I’ll stand and wait. Travis...”

“ _ Goodbye _ .”


End file.
